I don't deserve my spouse

Early in my single years I used to have a list, yes “the list.” Anyone else have a list of the qualities you desire to have in a spouse? I would pray for the man I would one day marry and ask God for these qualities in my husband. One day I felt God interrupt me and ask me who I wanted to be for my future spouse? That shifted my thinking a bit. I ended up making a new list of the things I wanted to be and of qualities I wanted to have as a gift to my husband one day. 

While you are waiting to find the right person you want to marry, become the quality person they would want to marry. Instead of just looking around every corner hoping Mr. or Ms. Right will be there, look for ways you can develop yourself. A person who knows who they are and is comfortable in their own skin is attractive. Relax, embrace your years of singleness. Enjoy who you are and discover the things God put inside of you. 

If you’re hoping to find someone for the purpose of meeting your own needs, then you’re not ready for a relationship. You need to be ready to give to someone. What can you offer someone? Of course it goes both ways and we need to consider someone’s values and qualities before beginning a relationship with them. But while you’re waiting, focus on you. Focus on your relationship with God. Invest in your skills. Maybe buy a house and invest wisely. Get in shape; go exercise. Learn to cook. Be faithful with cleaning the home you are living in. Develop new skills. Challenge yourself in new areas.   

I love the Proverbs 31 woman. When you read about this noble wife in verse 10-31, she is a person who has developed herself in many areas. She knows who she is. She’s wise in her decisions, she’s trustworthy, and she's honorable. She is a great example of how both men and women can honor their spouse all the days of their life.

No one is perfect. Your future spouse is not going to be perfect and neither will you when you meet; yet you can love them by what you do with your life now. 

Many years ago in my single years, I had gotten to know a great Christian guy, and we were talking about the possibilities of a relationship. It was in the beginning stages, and he wanted to honor me by letting me know that he was not a virgin. He didn’t want our hearts to get too emotionally attached and continue in a relationship if I had hoped to marry a guy who had never been with a woman before. I respected him greatly for sharing this with me because he modeled honor. Not only toward me but my future spouse. 

I understand how uncommon it is in these days for a woman to find a virgin man or even for a man to find a virgin woman. Yet it was a desire of my heart, and I had been praying for that. I went to the Lord about this, and I remember feeling torn inside praying “If this guy was the one for me, am I not valuable enough to you, God, to give me a man who has kept himself pure?” 

And I remember the loving but stern rebuke of my Heavenly Father. He responded, “Isn’t my blood pure enough? Do you think you deserve a pure husband because of your works? Your husband will be a gift to you not something you earned.” 

This really shook me, and I repented for thinking that I could deserve my husband because of the good things I’ve done with my life. It completely shifted the way I thought about my future husband from that day on. I never ended up going further in a relationship with that guy as we didn’t have the peace to move forward. God brought his wife into his life shortly after that, so it was good we closed that door. I learned a lot from that experience though. My spiritual pride and pride in my purity was humbled. I learned more about God’s grace. I will not “deserve” my husband and my husband will not “deserve” me either, for I am a gift to the one I will marry. 

Whether you have had a promiscuous sexual history or have been shinny clean, your worth lies in the blood of Jesus who has cleansed us from all unrighteousness and self-righteousness. It is important to not measure your value or your future spouse’s value by past mistakes or accomplishments. You don’t want to overlook a person God puts in your path that just might be your gift that’s wrapped in an unexpected package. 

I conclude to encourage you again if you're in this stage of singleness and waiting....Relax, embrace your years of singleness. Enjoy who you are and discover the things God put inside of you. You will be the best gift for your spouse by just being the best you. 

I leave you with this scripture. Philippians 1:6 "And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns."

I released a full-length album recently called “Live Love Dream.” These songs reflect this season of waiting, discovery, falling in love, and commitment. If you want some good Christian love songs to listen to, you can purchase it on my site here or on iTunes here: https://itunes.apple.com/album/id1199718495?ls=1&app=itunes 

If you have enjoyed this blog post, please share it that it may inspire and encourage many others! Let me know what you think, please comment with your thoughts or questions and experiences on this subject.

If you haven't yet, check out the previous posts in this blog series: Love and Relationships. 

Mary Elizabeth Kolsrud <3

Enjoy my new lyric video: STARS from my new album release: 


Read Previous Blog Posts from the Love & Relationship Series:



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